Do you want to identify your feelings better?

Start with my feelings grid – incorporating emotions, nervous system responses and physical feelings. Built with neurodivergent brains in mind.

Reconnecting with your feelings is always possible – no matter how cut off from them you are right now.

Do you have a “go to” emotion?

Is there one emotion you feel more than anything else?

  • Do you think of yourself as “an anxious person” or “an angry person”?
  • Perhaps you default to feeling guilt or shame when something doesn’t go as planned?
  • Or maybe you struggle to connect to feelings at all, and mostly feel some version of numb

In reality, you are experiencing a whole range of different feelings

But when you’ve never been taught to distinguish them, the signals can get extremely muddled:

  • Overstimulation and social fatigue are often mistaken for anxiety
  • A nervous system fight response to feeling unsafe can easily be misinterpreted as anger
  • Emotions like guilt, shame or anger are often unconsciously used to cover up other emotions like loneliness or hurt feelings
  • Interoception differences can make it hard to register your feelings at all until they become overwhelming

If you’re neurodivergent, like me, you’re more likely to have big emotions, and a sensitive nervous system that can easily be dysregulated. You’ve probably experienced a lot of invalidation of your feelings over your lifetime too. All of which can make it extremely hard to trust yourself, or even to feel safe paying attention to your inner world.

When you don’t know what you feel, you can’t effectively act on it

There’s a huge amount of information out there on how to manage feelings. You can find endless content telling how you to sit with your emotions. Reel after reel showing you how to calm your nervous system.

But if you don’t know what’s going on inside in the first place, it’s impossible to know what to do about it. Nervous system exercises won’t help if you’re full of suppressed anger from how you’ve been treated. Anxiety management techniques won’t help if you’re actually overstimulated – in fact pushing through the “anxiety” is one sure way to make overstimulation worse!

Are you ready to enter your feelings era?

Recognising your feelings is a skill you can practice and build

The great news – evidence shows that a regular practice of checking in and attempting to identify feelings makes a tangible difference. This practice can improve both how clearly the signals come through, and how accurately we identify what they’re telling us.

Not all feelings are emotions…

…but, most tools out there to help identify feelings only include emotions. All those emotions wheels and lists out there are brilliant, but they don’t include the full landscape of inner feelings.

That’s where Feelings Unjumbled comes in! When I couldn’t find a feelings tool that included nervous system states and physical feelings alongside emotions I set out to create my own, and the feelings grid was born.

Different brains are different

What works for one person may not work for another. I won’t tell you to meditate in a certain way, establish a specific sleep regime or use any particular breathing technique (though I have access to lots of those I can recommend if I think they might help).

Instead, I encourage you to use the Self-Attunement Cycle to build a gentle practice of focusing your attention inwards. And to experiment with naming and acting on what you find there. That way, you build your own knowledge of how and when different feelings show up for you, and your own personal toolkit of what to do about them.

The Self-Attunement Cycle

Each practice builds a little more connection – even if you don’t identify anything in the moment

Try it now!

Attune: Bring all your attention to your shoulders and just notice what’s there

Articulate: What sensations can you describe? Do any words come up? Any feeling words or other descriptors?

Act: Do anything that feels supportive. Give your shoulders a roll, hug yourself, shift position…

Appraise: Take a moment to notice whether any sensations shifted

That’s it! What did you notice? Was any step harder than the others?

My story

Hi, I’m Ellen!

For decades I thought I was just an anxious person

I bullied myself through the anxiety to keep functioning. Then I shamed myself when that didn’t make me any less “anxious”. I would ask myself: “Why am I so pathetic? Everyone else can do it!”

When my daughter was tiny I finally realised that maybe something else was going on for me, and I embarked on a quest to figure out what. Over time I identified and processed a mountain of buried emotions.

That process was so life-changing for me, that I felt drawn to help other people on the same journey and I trained as a coach. But a lot of my “anxiety” was still there.

Midway through my coaching training I realised I was autistic

I was certified as a coach in April 2024 and received my autism diagnosis a month later. So much fell into place for me at that time, as I paid more attention to what was really going on for me through an autism lens.

I realised my “anxiety” was really an overloaded nervous system

I was often in a state of overstimulation… or hypervigilance… or social fatigue, and mistaking those sensations for anxiety. Over time I learned what helped me in each of those distinct experiences.

I’d been using emotion wheels and lists to help me identify what I was feeling. So I looked for a version that included nervous system experiences, but I couldn’t find one. That’s when I decided to create my own. An impulsive social media share asking for testers generated a lot of interest and Feelings Unjumbled was born.

Ready to go further?

If you’re new here, I recommend downloading my feelings grid and joining my mailing list for guidance on how to get started.

If you’re looking for more support, I run live Self-Attunement Circles in small groups. With daily prompts and other resources to help you figure out what’s going on inside. So that more people can access the materials, I’m in the process of developing a self-paced version which I’m very excited about!

I also have slots available to work with me one to one.

Download the feelings grid

FREE tool to help you recognise specific emotions, nervous system states and physical feelings

Self-Attunement Circle

Join the waiting list to be the first to know when new programmes drop. Including my new self-paced version

Work with me 1:1

Want to go deeper? Book a call and I can build you a bespoke package to meet your needs

Not sure where to start?

What my clients are saying

The circle has given me the space to think about how I experience emotions and feelings in my nervous system

 

It has been validating to find that others have the same challenges that I do, and encouraging that there are ways to overcome them.

Importantly, it was tailored and not a “one approach fits all” environment.

I really appreciate that Ellen is so aware of these points and goes to such lengths to ensure that everyone got something meaningful from the experience, whatever their starting point and previous experiences.

I’d really recommend working with Ellen if you’re interested in experiencing your feelings more fully, especially as a late-diagnosed autistic / ADHD person. She really gets it.

Claire

The most noticing impacts was the shift in understanding the very real difference between nervous system responses and actual emotions

 

…as previously I have always treated these as detrimental personality flaws and shamed myself by invalidating the ‘size’ of the response.

[Now I stop] regularly to actually check in with my body rather than assuming (or convincing myself) I should be fine.

I would recommend [the Self-Attunement Circle] most highly!!

Particularly for those who struggle to identify their own feelings in order to take any action, and especially for those, like myself, who are caught in the alexithymic to self shame of percieved personality flaws, because the traditional feelings wheels don’t align with us or actually produce real understanding.

Briony

I feel calmer because I feel more able to identify my feelings generally

 

It has taken away a layer of anxiety. I can identify my feelings more accurately and in more detail and therefore know what to do to help me move through them and find reasons for them.

I have realised that I have not understood overwhelm in myself and have been ascribing emotions to what is actially overwhelm.

This is totally different to my previous understanding of what I thought I was feeling and why.

[Ellen was] calm, measured, thoughtful, informative, respectful, kind. The personalised feedback is brilliant!

I LOVED the feelings grid! That is the one thing that I come back to time and time again, especially when I need help in identifying my emotions.

Sharron

Through the work I have been doing from the Self Attunement Circle with Feelings Unjumbled

 

…I have been coming to realise that so many of the emotions i identify with aren’t actually mine. They are other people’s that I feel the responsibility to resolve.

Diversity Doodles

I have always believed I was an anxious, angry person

 

Now I realise that I lived in situations that I didn’t understand were overstimulating (because I was told they weren’t).

The ‘anxiety’ is actually nervous system reacting to what it sees as lack of safety due to knowing it’s actually overstimulating and dysregulating, and the anger is the adrenaline i use to overcome the anxiety and being angry gets shit done.

And then there’s the shame of being a perpetually anxious angery person that I didn’t want to be.

Now I understand this, and have spent the summer testing this theory after the attunement circle, I’m not actually that person at all.

Diversity Doodles

I’ve got to say that the circle has truly been the gift that keeps on giving

 

I truly think that it has helped me in a way that lots of other courses haven’t.

Although it felt quite gentle at the time (and wasn’t packed with too much info like a lot of other stuff I have done), the daily repeated practice has certainly had an impact on my brain and mental health in a very real (and good) way!

Sharron

I have had the opportunity to more easily begin to identify what my own feelings actually are

 

It’s through the Feelings Grid that was produced by Feelings Unjumbled as part of the Attunement Circle that I have had the opportunity to more easily begin to identify what my own feelings actually are.

And begin to notice how different my internal state is when compared to that which I actively show.

I have to say that those little check ins, without preemption of the the jump to the ‘should’, are now a multiple times a day feature.

And the mismatch between the externally presented performance and the actually authentic, without the need for logical justification, are sometimes very stark.

Diversity Doodles

Feelings Unjumbled absolutely smashed her webinar

 

“Masterclass” isn’t strong enough to describe it! Y’all need the replay!

Anna

Today I tuned in to Ellen’s webinar on *All feelings great and small*

 

It helped me pause and think about how we can work towards recognising what we’re feeling, why we’re feeling it and how some presentations don’t match the word we give the feeling.

Diversity Doodles created some awesome artwork for the webinar too, and the discussion afterwards was really interesting and engaging!

Soooo… If you don’t follow them, go and show them some love.

NDwise Hub Consulting

The feelings grid is Fantastic

 

I’ve just taken you quiz.

I love the way you have worded things. I just assume everything is Anxiety, but it made me truly think about what it is I am feeling by the way I am behaving.  Doom scrolling etc.

The result is very informative and helpful

I’ve just completed the quiz and found it quite thought-provoking

 

A few of the questions didn’t quite fit my experience but I could find the closest possible response easily enough.

The result felt surprisingly accurate. I’m generally very aware of my feelings but I can also see how often I try to squash them down or move past them quickly and focus on resolutions instead.

I thought the quiz was put together with a lot of care and insight. It gave me a few things to reflect on which is always the sign of a good quiz. Thank you for creating it 🫂❤️

I don’t say this lightly – she’s literally gamechanging with this work

 

If you’ve ever struggled to know what you’re feeling because your body gives you a confusing jumble of information that you don’t know how to process, then you NEED this.

Ellen’s free quiz gives you the tool you need to start learning how your feelings work and some guidance on what to do next. FOR FREE.

Anna

Did the quiz. Loved it.

 

And my therapist might appreciate you too.

I love how the grid is presented. It’s almost like the feelings wheel and a bit like a flow chart (only a bit).

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Aspen

I feel lighter and I’m making decisions much faster without being bogged down by old habits and thinking

 

Beautifully held and expertly guided.

Ellen has a calm and kind manner and listens deeply not only to what you say but also to what you don’t say. She holds up a mirror to your internal world so you can see what’s really going on.

She asks powerful questions and can get to the heart of the matter quickly and safely. supporting you the whole way through.

Laura

Thoroughly enjoyed our sessions

 

I liked your approach, you spotted things I wasn’t necessarily aware of.

Happy we’ve delved into my values and have well established practice of noticing moments of joy. It was great.

Lara

I was able to address some issues that I’d been suppressing for many decades!

 

Ellen holds a beautiful space where I felt it was possible to step comfortably into vulnerability without feeling exposed.

With Ellen, I was able to address some issues that I’d been suppressing for many decades! I was able to reach a deeper awareness and greater insight to my challenges.

This meant that I could shift from being held in a place of grief, loss and sadness with attachments to blame, shame and guilt to embrace compassion, forgiveness and focus on moving forward.

Amy R

It felt such a safe space that I could be totally honest and be heard and understood

 

The coaching experience with Ellen was magical; it felt such a safe space that I could be totally honest and be heard and understood.

Ellen helped me to move forward and to unpick things that I often had not even been aware of. I am kinder to myself than I was before. I am also bolder, more adventurous, more courageous.

I care less about what others think, I appreciate myself more, and I understand myself much more.

Lucy

I feel so much more in control of my feelings and my destiny

 

After over a year of feeling not like myself and struggling with stress and anxiety… I was feeling stuck in terms of moving forward.

I found Ellen’s coaching really worked for me. I learnt a lot about acceptance and I really benefited from trying different ways to explore barriers I was facing.

Just want to say thank you again for the support. I feel so much more in control of my feelings and my destiny.

Charlotte

I always walk away feeling lighter!

 

Ellen is an attentive and intuitive coach. I feel listened to and supported wherever I am at.

The work we did around childhood story, emotional regulation and leadership was particularly insightful for me and has started me on a personal journey of deeper learning about myself.

I’m looking forward to our next session – I always walk away feeling lighter!

Helen

I felt honoured, heard and supported

 

It’s been a brilliant journey that has certainly helped navigate some big challenges. I felt honoured, heard and supported.

The big win was having a strategy to prepare for visiting my Dad. This is the most stressful relationship I have had in my life.

Ellen was able to transform this visit by supporting me into creating a plan to prepare for the visit and to look after myself when I return home.

Coincidence or not, the Christmas visit was the best, most stress free visit of my life.

Jo

Let's stay in touch

Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that's what they're for.
Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even hard ones.

Download the feelings grid here.

Join my mailing list too and I'll show you how to use it.

Follow me on social media!

Scroll to Top