Step 1: Get out of bed

Learning to focus on the next tiny step

In 2013 I took a career break to spend a year volunteering with on-the-ground conservation projects around the world. This was before I started my healing journey, and at the time the only emotions I recognised in myself were anxious, “not anxious”, or giddy excitement. Whenever I thought about the enormity of setting off by myself to work in unknown countries the anxiety and fear would paralyse me.

My main coping mechanism was to break my big plans down in my head into tiny steps and when overwhelm threatened. To focus solely on the next step. The voice in my head would say “all you need to do now is pack your bags”. Then when that was done “all you need to do now is get to the train station on time”. Repeat until I’d settled in enough to be mostly resting in “not anxious”.

By putting all my focus on the next tiny step in front of me I could stop my thoughts spiralling out of control with all the “what ifs” and fears, and keep moving forward.

In the end, it was a wonderful experience. Each place I visited and project I joined pushed me out of my comfort zone in so many ways. I saw people living lives that were totally different to anything I had been exposed to before. I grew enormously as a result, and my life was utterly transformed for the better. I wanted more. Setting off to Iceland that Spring turned out to be the first step in a major career overhaul. I left with an increased sense of purpose, and a new lens through which to view both the world and myself.

Starting a blog

Fast forward ten years. Over the last five years I’ve expanded my inner range dramatically from those three states of anxious, “not anxious” and excited. I’ve learned how to access and process my own wide range of emotions and unconscious beliefs. Life is far more vibrant now. I’ve shed an enormous amount of emotional baggage too—looking back it’s hard to believe I was managing to function with it all stuck inside me.

I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a while now. To share some of this inner journey I’ve been on. Hopefully to provide some light and hope to others struggling with the same things that I was. Also using the process of writing to help me see the road I’ve travelled with more clarity. I’m curious to explore how I might be able to support other people on this journey.

Yet so many voices in my head have been trying to put me off :

• “I don’t have any credentials”
• “So many other people are writing much better blogs than I ever could”
• “Who am I to think that I have anything of value to offer?”
• “What if I don’t have the energy, time or ideas to keep it up?”

Thankfully that old coping mechanism kicked in. This morning I woke up with an inner voice saying “just get out of bed”. And once I was up and ready to go it piped up again “just start writing”. I listened to that voice, took action, and this half of this post was the result. Hurrah for beginnings!

Pause for two month interlude

Actually starting a blog

Two months later I’m revisiting this post and finally getting ready to launch my blog. It took me a lot longer than the promised 45 minutes to get my website set up, though not through any fault of the excellent blogs I followed. I’m proud of myself for getting here, having started with zero WordPress skills. My approach of just trying stuff out and seeing what happens has been endlessly frustrating to my husband. But I can hear my dad’s voice in my head saying “if all else fails, read the manual”. In that regard I confess I’m very much my father’s daughter!

Another reason I put this on hold for a few weeks is that I’ve enrolled on a coaching certification. It’s taking me a step closer towards supporting other people on their own healing journeys—yay! I joined the class a few weeks late and have been using my time to catch up with everything I missed. But today I realised that what started as a legitimate reason to delay launching this blog had turned into full-on fear-based procrastination. Time to get back to that next step: keep writing. I won’t let the pursuit of perfection—or fear of failure—put me off.

Are any projects are threatening to overwhelm you with fear? Are the what-ifs and voices in your head putting you off getting started? What’s the next very tiny step forwards you can take to move forwards? I’d love to hear how you get on!